18
Jul
A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some
distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train
came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the
passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following
announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for
some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
While on the topic of alternative career options,
Jermaine: I'd like to work with museums.
Yvonne: I'd like to work in the UN.
Me: Come to think of it, I've never wanted to be anything else except a teacher.
Jermaine & Yvonne: *raise eyebrows*
Me: Really! What can be more important than education?!
Yvonne: It's heartening to know there are people like you. *pause* Fucking heartening!
During a dessert session after lunch, and discussing the service learning project which a group of us will have to undertake over the course of teacher training,
Me: What did you do?
JT: We worked with an FSC...
Lena: We brought disabled kids to Christchurch to do some physical activities.
Wei Lun: We were involved with MINDS...
Me: (interrupting) Ooohhh, it's actually for yourself too lah?
Wei Lun: (taking it in good humor, and lacing his retort with sarcasm) Ya, I planned for myself and then I joined in also.
Lena: Wah, I like that man! (She is always bullied by the boys, Wei Lun included.) *laughs*
Shaowen: Eh, she shoot you leh! *laughs*
Wei Lun: Wah, last day ah! Everyone show their true colours on the last day!
As we were talking about how we will miss one another after our time at EVG ends,
Wei Lun: Eh, you're gonna miss me Nurrrrrul! (rolls his tongue while pronouncing the [r])
the rest: Eh, how you do that ah?
Wei Lun: See, I can do it. Can you? Or you? Or you? (while pointing to everyone at the table and then pretending to haughtily address the strangers around us at the foodcourt)
the rest: *laughs*
Wei Lun: Eh you're gonna miss me. Then you will just call me to say, "Eh, say my name!"
Me: Miss you making fun of my name?! *laughs*
So, people, be afraid. Be very afraid that your future children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren MAY be taught by one of us who are spread across the island's world class education institutions! *ahem*
Love, Ain.
Waduhhhh pusingggg...Lagi banyak tekanan nih di kantor. Hahhhh...daripada dibawa stress mendingan dibawa happy aja soalnya masalah itu ndak pernah berhenti datang silih berganti dan bertubi-tubi. Mau tau cara biar ndak punya masalah di dunia??? MATI...Ya mati jawabannya, kalau orang mati tidak punya masalah lagi di bumi (apaan sih intermezonya kejauhan nih...).
Oke saya ada cerita yang agak-agak enak vulgar nih, ya mudah-mudahan cerita ini bisa dipetik hikmahnya oleh pembaca-pembaca sekalian (bohong sih, gak bakalan ada hikmah yang bisa dipetik dari cerita ini koq...) dan yang lebih penting mudah-mudahan bisa menghilangkan stress anda sekalian walaupun mungkin ada yang menganggap cerita in tabu or maybe jayus, ndak opo-opo saya ndak akan tersinggung koq... :P
Nama Karyawan: Penis
Perihal: Minta naik gaji
It took me a while to come to the realization that another great phrase we like to use in American culture, "be careful", is in fact pretty meaningless. Think about it, we feed our friends and family this line before they start driving or go on a vacation. But this is insane. It's just another formality nonsense word to say, like saying "God Bless You" after a sneeze. What a joke.
As if people are all the sudden protected from unknown dangers, simply because they decided to "be careful". And who the hell tries to NOT be careful when driving, besides morons who can't drive in the first place.
Meaningless.
- From the Mind of the EgoAssassin
18
Jul
I do not know if all of you guys are familiar with this. I read it last night, and again I found myself weeping in awe and in laughter. Got this one from a black book called " Paboritong Libro ni Hudas", which happens to be my all time favorite book. This week, I want to share this seven-part installation. Spare some time to read, and take the lore of it.
<'> PATAY NA 'KO??!?
<.--.> Ilang beses mo bang narinig ang 'oo'? Kung may bayad ang bawat tanong, mayaman na 'ko.
<'> Totoong patay na 'ko???
<.--.> Bawal magsinungaling dito.
<'> Pero bakit...
<'> Sino'ng...
<'> Asaan ako?
<'> Sino ka?
<.--.> Patay ka na.
<.--.>Nasa lugar ka ng mga patay.
<.--.> Receptionist ako sa lugar ng mga patay.
<.--.> May tanong ka pa?
<'> .
<'>...
<'> Paano na ang mga anak ko?
<.--.> H-hindi ko naman talaga gustong--
<.--.> Maayos ang buhay nilang lahat. Nagpakasal ulit ang asawa mo. Nasa amerika ang bunso mo. At kapapanganak lang sa ikatlo mong apo sa tuhod kanina habang nagsasalita ka.
<'> HUH??!?!
<'> Kakamatay ko pa lang ah?!?
<.--.> Mag-iisang oras ka na dito.
<'> Alam ko!?
<.--.> Dito... pero sa lupa, higit apat na dekada ka nang patay
<'> Pa'no nangyari 'yon?
<.--.> Ang isang araw dito, isanlibong taon sa lupa. 2049 na. Kung binabasa mo yung handout na ibinigay sa'yo sa halipna tanong ka nang tanong, kanina pa dapat malinaw sa'yo ang lahat.
<'> Pero...hindi...niloloko mo ba 'ko??
<.--.> Minsan gusto kong sumagot ng 'oo' pag tinatanong ako ng ganyan.
<'> Pero...bakit paanong???
<.--.> Tingnan mo.
<'> Ano 'yan?
<'> ....
<'> Huh?
<'> Saan yan?
<.--.> Sa Pilipinas.
<'> E bakit ganyan 'yan? Sino yan?
<.--.> Si MArvin.
<'> Marvin?
<.--.> Marvin. Marvin Agustin.
<'> Yung artista? Matanda na? Anong ginagawa nya dyan?
<.--.> Presidente siya ng bansa mo.
<'> Huh??!
<.--.> Ayos naman ah! Gusto ng siya ng mg tao eh.
<'> E sino yan-asawa niya?
<.--.> Saan?
<'> Ayan, sa kanan.
<.--.> Ah, vice presidnt niya 'yan.
<'> Sinong naging vice president??
<.--.> Si Tootsie Guevarra, Yung magaling kumanta.
<'> Huh?!?!
<.--.> Anong "huh??!" Ayos nga sila e. Inahon nila ang 'Pinas sa kahirapan.
<'> Anong ibig mong sabihin?
<'> Nasaan na si GMA?
<.--.> Matagal nang wala si Macapagal.
<.--.> 2049 na. Wala nang utang ang Pilipinas sa ibang bansa!
<'> Talaga?
<.--.> Hay naku! Wala ka pala talagang alam e. Balik na ulit ang Pilipinas sa mapa. Mayaman t respetado na ulit ang bayan mo.
<'> Talaga? hehe...
<.--.> Oo, ang ingay mo kasi kanina e. di ko nga masyadong naintindihan yung speech ng Papa sa Roma...papapanoorin dapat kita.
<.--.> Pilipino ang bagong Papa.
<'> Huh?
<.--.> Nanonood ka ba ng MTV?
<.--.> Ng That's entertainment?
<'> Hindi rin. Bakit?
<.--.> E hindi mo pala kilala.
<'> Sino?
<.--.> yung bagong Papa.
<'> Anu bang pangalan?
<.--.> Pope Rose I
<.--.> hindi 'yon ang totoo niyang pangalan, pero rtista siya dati.
<.--.> Donita Rose ata yung screen name nya e.
<'> Si Donita Rose??? Yung VJ-naging pope???
<.--.> Oo-galing no?
<.--.> Nga pala, alam mo ba ngayong pwede na mag-asawa ang pari?
<'> Huh?
<.--.> Pwede na, basta madre lang ang mapapangasawa, para hindo raw lumabas ang pera ng simbahan, Ayos, 'no?
<'> ...
<.--.> ...
<'> TV? Anong meron?
<.--.> Telenovela.
<'> Huh? MERON PARING TELENOVELA HANGGANG NGAYON?
<.--.> Uy, mas maganda na ngayon ang mga telenovela kesa nung kapanahunan mo. Nasa Puso ko, Ikaw ay Akin, Mahal na Mahal, Tayo ay iisa, Mahal Kita, Sa Piling Mo, lumayo ka Man, Tunay na Mahal, tayong Dalawa, Mahalin Mo Ko, Tanging Ikaw lang, Pagmamahalan Natin, ikaw at ako... nalaimutan ko na yung iba e, pero magaganda mga kwento nyan!
<'> 'Yan ang programa ngayon? ARAW-ARAW??!?!
<.--.> Araw-gabi. Saya nga eh! <'> Walangya! *Tanging Yaman*
<'> Ano ba yan... Bakit laging tumutugtog ang Tanging Yaman? Kanina ko pa naririnig yane, paulit-ulit!
<'> At saka nagkakalimutan, marami akong tanong sa 'yo ah, bakit ayaw mong sagutin?
<'> At sino ka ba???
itutuloy...
It's not often I consider buying a book based on a book review in the newspaper. For one thing, I hardly ever read such reviews (there are few if any in our local newspaper, which I just resubscribed to this weekend in exchange for a gift card to the supermarket I was shopping in at the time). And the last time I read a book after reading a positive review, I was not exactly impressed.
Since Philip Roth is considered "the most compelling of living authors" by New York magazine, I thought I ought to read something by him, and Everyman had the advantage of being short. I don't regret having read it, as I try to read more widely than just what I know I already like - but I'm not running out to get any more Philip Roth books from the library.
But a book about the history and philosophy of joke-telling - that is exactly the sort of book I am drawn to. I've never heard of Jim Holt before, but if Stop Me If You've Heard This is as enjoyable to read as of it is, I expect to like it very much. Just to be sure, I read the provided online as well. Yes, I already think it's worth buying.
Is there someone that you are forced to drive with and you often fear for your life? Let them know in a subtle way by printing out this Driver's Review Form and giving it to them:
Driving Review
To: ___________ Date:_______________
I recently had the (circle one: thrilling mind-numbing hair-raising) experience of driving with you. I was so (circle one: excited appalled frightened) that I wanted to inform you immediately of your performance.
General driving skills:
(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10) circle one
Comments:
Upon entering the car, I immediately (circle one: relaxed found something solid to grab onto attempted to escape through the sunroof). At times, I felt (circle one: comfortable enough to nap like calling 9-1-1 as if I were in a car chase scene from a movie). Getting out of the car was (circle one: a bummer a surprise a miracle)
Car condition:
(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10) circle one
Comments:
Stepping into the car, I noticed (circle one: a pleasant berry scent a sweaty baboon odor the stench of an old burrito). The area near my feet (circle one: had ample leg room was a cushion of garbage was so sticky that I lost a shoe).
Car Entertainment:
(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10) circle one
Comments:
The entertainment during the drive consisted of (circle one: sing-alongs to the radio dull family discussions enforced silence). As a result, I was (circle one: pleased bored driven to tears).
Navigational Skills:
(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10) circle one
Comments: The driver generally (circle one: found his or her destination took the scenic route needed a police rescue). After a wrong turn, the driver would (circle one: ask for directions Keep driving, only faster burst into tears). My feeling is that this driver (circle one: deserves an award should only take cabs will be getting a GPS as a birthday gift).
Overall Rating:
(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10) circle one
Comments:
Overall the mood was (circle one: cheerful nerve-racking horrifying). I'd give the ride a (circle one: G for Great B for Boring DD for Death Defying). I will always (circle one: cherish this trip be haunted by the memories be surprised and thankful to still be alive).