I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I'd go to confession, I'd say "Bless me, father, for I have sinned -- and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen." - Bill Maher
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - W.C. Fields
This entry was posted on Monday, March 31st, 2008 at 11:11 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns
This entry was posted on Monday, March 31st, 2008 at 6:07 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said 'Screw it, I've got twelve kids. Any one of them could snap." - Paul Rodriguez
This entry was posted on Monday, March 31st, 2008 at 5:39 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. - Larry Miller
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 30th, 2008 at 10:46 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 27th, 2008 at 9:56 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?" - Gilbert Gottfried
This entry was posted on Monday, March 24th, 2008 at 6:34 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Last time I was down South, I was in a restaurant and ordered some chicken, and these three cousins, you know the ones I mean, Klu, Kluck and Klan, come up and say "Boy, we're givin' you fair warnin'. Anything you do to that chicken, we're gonna do to you." So I put down my knife and fork, and I picked up that chicken, and I kissed it. - Dick Gregory
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world - Steven Wright
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 at 6:02 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" - Steven Wright
This entry was posted on Saturday, March 15th, 2008 at 11:15 pm and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - W.C. Fields
This entry was posted on Saturday, March 15th, 2008 at 6:18 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright
This entry was posted on Friday, February 29th, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says "Your money or your life!" An extremely long silence follows. "Your money or your life!" the thug repeats. Finally Benny says "I’m thinking!"
This entry was posted on Friday, February 22nd, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!" - Jack Handey
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 13th, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Funny jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.
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